A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR LATE NIGHT INFO-MERCIAL WATCHERS.

Gee, has time passed that quickly? Well, I guess that when I'm busy and distracted (which happens everytime a butterfly passes) everything that I want to do and meant to do becomes just a fleeting flutter in my brain. Right now I'm pretty pissed off about something, so I guess that it's as good a time
as any to share a story with my friends.

For those of you who know me, you will have a slight inkling that I take great pleasure from food.
Food is not just for nutrition, it is for massive hedonistic pleasure! I revel in creating new and wonderful recipes, like a mad scientist taking joy with the endless flavorful, bounty of ingredients that God has showered upon us.....a big Lego box of culinary delights.  Well, unfortunately, this nasty little obsession of mine has caught up with me and I find that while I adore food, it is time to restructure
my food intake for health and vanity.

One of my dear friends (she knows who she is ;)  ) has the same dilemma....love, love, love that food, but hate, hate, hate the weight that comes along with it. We often find ourselves out, partners in gastronomical crime, licking our fingers and muttering "manana".  A couple of months ago she
started juicing. A good friend of hers is keeping an eye on her caloric intake and providing her with nutritious and Ph balanced juice meals. Even with her indiscretions, she has managed to lose over twenty pounds in about a month. Awesome!! Phenomenal!! Love it!! Kudos!! I could do that....after all, I adore fruits and veggies and mix and matching interesting combinations. I determined that obtaining a juicer was of paramount importance pretty damn soon....before the holidays bombard me with all of their wondrous butter and sugar.

And so, after a quick trip to COSTCO to evaluate what a starving artist (well, starving is really not the problem here, is it? haha) it became apparent that about a hundred bucks would be necessary to get started. Sigh!! In resignation I purchased a few bottles of Naked Juice...carrot and mean green machine, along with berries and other natural foodstuffs. Well, for now my reliable red Osterizer would have to make smoothies. Not quite the nutritional bonanza of juicing, but helluva lot better than huevos con chorizo!

AND THEN....two days later I awoke in the middle of the night and started flipping channels on the tv. As I rapidly flipped, I passed a scene of a huge mountain of fresh fruits and veggies. HOT DAMN! I'll bet that was a juicer commercial! I quickly flipped back and caught the tail end of the snake oil salesman with the smarmy smile and the mindless, nodding audience pitching the "Nutribullet".
This was exactly what I needed! It was small, unobtrusive and powerful. And the best part was that if I called in the NEXT EIGHT MINUTES, I could make six easy payments of $19.99 with free shipping!! BUT WAIT!!!......yeah, I know.  Well, faster than a trout latching on to a beautiful night crawler I was hooked. I whipped out my debit card, determined that I had $19.99 in my account and trustingly gave my info to a really sweet lady who assured me that her daughter was in heaven with her machine.\

I put it on facebook....I called my friends....I was so excited. I have awaited the FedEx man on my doorstep like he was a lover bringing me Godiva chocolates (well, not really).  So.....that was only three days ago...calm the hell down, girl.  Today I dawned on me that I needed to get down to the bank and deposit a client's check in my account. I called the bank to check the state of my affairs.
YIKES!!! I was $165.75 overdrawn.  How could this be? After speaking with a bank rep it was determined that this "retail merchandising company" had debited out $159.75, plus an overdraft fee of $35 which the bank took. Oh no they didn't !!!! A wealth of creative expressions left my lips. I subsequently spent another 45 minutes on the phone submitting a claim with the fraud department.
This little fiasco is going to tie up my account for weeks until these unscrupulous people acknowledge the claim and reverse the debit. In the meantime, the funds are being returned by the bank contingent on that resolution. I will be afraid to write any checks or take credit cards with my new "Square" system that I just installed on my brand new Iphone. Crap!!!

Needless to say, this has cured me of any future temptation to whip out my debit card in the middle of the night. Future purchases will be cash and carry with merchandise and receipt in hand. Just sayin', friends, buyer beware!